Monday, June 24, 2013

What's in the Toilet? An HMS APOLLYON random table.

Aboard the HMS Apollyon there is a strange belief gaining traction amongst the scavengers and adventurers who wander into the vast forsaken darkness that toilets - the bowls, the tanks and stalls - all contain treasures.  This may be no more or less true than other dark potential hiding places aboard the hull, but of late the legend has grown that every broken, abandoned bathroom is home to great wealth.

Below are some of the things occasionally found in toilets of the Apollyon.  Suffice to say this isn't an exhaustive list, and most abandoned toilets contain nothing of interest. The table might be useful in any setting where PCs have a tendency to find bathrooms in dungeons (which is a topic of debate for dungeon design I hear!) as no character ever seems to resist at least looking in an ancient crapper.

I should note that this is a "player generated table" as my Apollyon players have lately become obsessed with looting ancient bathrooms after once finding a silver hip flask, and another time discovering some old drugs in a toilet tank. Also I must give a nod the the Borderlands games, which use toilets (and porta-potties) as a common loot container and seem to most frequently contain grenades.

Treasure Storehouse to be Sure!


1. Tentacles - Face grabbing with some sort of rasping toothed maw down the pipe.  The otherworldy polyp is an ambush predator that can detect movement within 20' of the toilet and will lash at living creatures within 10' of the bowl. It is partial to smaller humanoids such as Merrowmen, Froglings and Flying Monkeys, but is not adverse to taking full sized humans or anything fleshy up to 300lbs.  It will attempt to pull its prey through the bowl and down into the sewer pipe (likely lethal) and will retreat into the sewer system if injured seriously.

Ambush Polyp - HD 3, AC 6, ATK 3 tentacles, DAM 1D2 + grapple*, SV F 3, ML 8
*Basic grapple is at STR 10, each tentacle after the first will add +5 STR to the grapple.  On a successful grapple for two rounds the creature will have pulled the target into the toilet or pipe causing and additional D8 per round.  Grappled PC may only struggle to break free, and not attack

2. Filth - Filled to the brim with filth. an awful stench wafts out and may be detected by nearby monsters (Roll monster check)

3. Disease - Something glints beneath the fetid and vile waters of the toilet tank - it's a pile of broken glass, but the water is rife with disease.  Save vs. Poison or contract skin rot (-1 Con and -1D4 HP per day - death at 0 CON or 0 HP) if examined without precautions

4. Gun - Pistol taped to inside of dry tank (75% likely a small revolver, 20% zip gun (as flintlock), 5% automatic).  Pistol will need to be refurbished to work 40%, 50% corroded beyond repair, 10% loaded and ready to fire

5. Grubs - Mound of rotting innards, species unidentifiable.  Contain 1D6 rotgrubs of a rare leaping variety, they will attack normally if the guts are touched, and will jump at any living thing within 10' (attack as 1HD) if offal is disturbed with a tool.

6.  Trash - Neat stack of waterlogged books and/or magazines next to toliet.  All are destroyed and worthless.

7. Mold - Stack of mold covered books atop toilet tank.  The Black Mold causes fear (save vs. Paralysis or flee uncontrollably for 1D4 turns) if it's spores (released if disturbed) or the smoke from burning it are inhaled.

Black Mold  HD 2, AC N/A*, ATK Special**, DAM N/A, SV F0, ML N/A
* Immune to cold and non-magical weapons
** If struck or burnt, releases spores or fumes filling room (up to 40'x40') and causing terror. Save vs. Paralysis or flee for 1D4 turns.

8. Spell - Stack of rotten books scattered about toilet, amongst several decayed tomes is a small copper bound book containing a single random 1st level spell scroll.

9. Treasure - Toilet tank has a waterproof packet containing narcotics submerged within.  Drugs are worth 1D6x100GP in Sterntown.

10. Mandala - Flipping up closed toilet lid reveals mandala of madness.  Viewers must Save vs. Spells or attack all others in the room for 1D6 rounds.  If rerolled other mandalas include: pain, slumber, blindness or servitude (usually to a demonic entity).

11. Trash - An enormous coprolite conceals the entire toilet

12. Coins - Flooded floor surrounding toilet is covered in a scatter of coins (1D10 GP and 1D4x10 GP in silver and copper). [Based on a recent bar bathroom I had the joy of using].

13. Trash - Toilet tank contains the bones of a human, bundled and neatly wrapped in copper wire.

14. Shade - Lodged in empty toilet bowl is what appears to be a feebly gasping human infant. This is actually a Shade of Cruelty.  If "saved" from the pipe, the infant will crumble into a pile of slimy bones and the shade will attack its rescuers as a shimmering apparition.

Shade of Cruelty HD 6 AV 5* ATK 2 DAM 1D6**/or special SV CL 6 ML 10
*Shade is a incorporeal undead being and cannot be harmed by non-magical weapons.
**The Shade's touch does 1D6 points of necromantic cold damage and drains one level.
special: Asphyxiating Breath, may target all combatants in melee range. Save vs. Spells or begin choking (no action while choking, death after 4+CON BONUS rounds - may save vs. spells again every other round to breath).

15. Graffiti - Graffiti on inside of bowl from rival scavengers.

16. Treasure - Skull engraved and accentuated with silver filigreeing rests atop tank as if surveying the rest of the room.  Worth 1D4x100 GP to a macabre buyer.

17. Keys - A set of 1D4+1 keys hangs on a hook near the toilet.  They likely open several nearby doors.

18. Slime - Bowl is filled with reddish slime.  Slime is harmless, but will move away from light.

19. Wonder - The clear water of the bowl is filled with fingernail sized glowing crabs.  The crabs have elaborate spiral shells.

20. Cache - Toilet tank contains adventurer's cache of: lock-picks, 10 iron spikes, mallet, bag of chalk dust, bag of marbles, two stoppered flasks of lamp oil and a fine harmonica (Total value 75 GP)


  1. snap i did a toilet table but with no loot so i can add this thanks - honestly im not offering to clean your cesspool like recent spammers - I once did piece on dungeon graffiti and how to read it for profitability

    Dungeon Latrine Table

  2. My players refuse to look in dungeon toilets. Jerks.

  3. @ Konsumterra - nice table! I was going more specific, but yours has a lovely all purpose dungeon table. I will say one of the complaints about megadunsgeons I always disliked (leveled at Dwimmermount I believe)is "This dungeon is stupid it has toilets, and that is lame because it's wasted space and inherently borning!" Personally I see toilets (or other waste disposal) as useful to 1. establish some sort of naturalism 2. Provide a terrifying void that players can investigate at their peril 3. fill those tiny spaces on a map. My Apollyon players are still trying to figure out "how does this world work? Are their constants?" The answer of course is "It's a Trap!"

    @ Pat - Well I did steal entry (1) from ASE 2 - so I think they may be smart about that one.

  4. nice cutaway

  5. Hmm. I learned a new word today - "coprolite".

    Dungeon of Signs. Entertaining AND educational!

    (Mind you, I wish I hadn't googled the word BEFORE eating my dinner...) :-)