Letter Published in recent paper by anonymous sources...
Local Warlock about town (a raving dipsomaniac!) Chauncy Woolstrike (Woolstrike ... A most disreputable name in better circles..cough..cough) returned recently from a trip to Crumbledown with having claimed to see a angelic flying giraffe (I'd see a flying giraffe to if I drank as much as Chuany
The delver and plundered is missing, and his boon companions (though how close to the boon one would hold a wild eyed warlock that reeks of gin I can only guess) aren't saying where but certain sources of ours, possibly of a fungal nature, have indicated that a scene of magic gone wrong may be responsible.
Mr. Woolstrike and his companions reportedly returned from the ruins of Crumbletown with sadlebags laden with gold, gems and strange artifacts - a magic saber, an ancient leather breastplate and a mysterious box. These riches were apparently laying in the streets of crumble town (laying where any robber could find them to be sure) for the taking. The 'gentleman adventurers' (for a man claiming education our Chauncy appears not to have heard the word oxymoron!) said they battled a terrible giant midget to gain this wealth, stabbing and shotgunning the little big fellow until he disgorged his gorge and his wealth. Such goings on are only to be expected from men who dabble in magic (and double in drunkenes) but apparently the massive pile of wealth was not enough to satisfy our local prestidigitator - and he has to play with a deck of cards found within a rune carved box. Perhaps in an effort to impress the local witch, Zelena Dire (whose impeccable character we do not mean to stain by these implied associations) the warlock drew form the deck and vanished as if sucked in on himself truth a whole tinier than his remaining sobriety. While your local wag will miss Mr. Woolstrike's late night renditions of his college fight song (as his ball has sadly missed their singer on many a late night) in front of the Thistlemarch hotel, he understands that many neighbors may be more inclined to see Chauncy's vacation as a blessing upon them and a loss to be carried by the deserving parties (who are undoubtedly familiar with carrying the insensible Mr. Woolstrike).
Alas, all is not lost and rumors claim that Ms. Dire has been enticed to seek Mr. Woolstrike's whereabouts and his companions have grudgingly considered a resuce. Perhaps some time lost in whatever place that sort of disreputable magic takes a man will change Mr. Woolstrike for the better, but your wag does not hold out hope.
God Speed Chauncy and Rest Well, whatever terror haunted, blasted mystical hellscape you now pull your barstool up to...
Yup Chauncy was pulled into the Donjon by the deck - and really it's better than the deadly wraith summoning 'skull card' but there were so many better options that sadly will be missed. I do hope that Chauncy is rescued, but if not it's a fitting end to a character introduced as a disposable mook. Rumor has it that Chauncy may be trapped in Carcosa, or possibly the Bleaklands, or maybe the sugar fairy's castle - any way one cuts that, it's not a good thing...I personally would trap him in an area of the Apollyon I have "on deck" (no not literally), but that would be too weird. Still, I am glad Chauncy drew from the deck, it's a good opportunity really, and something that no dipsomaniac 2nd level wizard with a 10th level wizard's hubris could avoid.